How to Taste Rum
(Because Apparently, You’re Fancy Now)
Welcome to the highly serious and not-at-all-exaggerated world of rum tasting. Yes, we’re swirling, sniffing, and analyzing distilled sugar water like it’s a fine art—because why not? Let’s dive in.
1. Observe (a.k.a. Stare Dramatically at Your Glass)
Hold your glass up like you’re about to give a TED Talk. Admire the color—clear, amber, gold, mahogany, or maybe just “brownish.” Swirl it gently, because swirling things makes you look important. Bonus points if you nod thoughtfully.
2. Smell Like a Professional Snob
Bring the glass to your nose and give it a sniff. Not too aggressive—we’re not trying to huff paint. Try to identify what you’re smelling. Is it sugarcane? Vanilla? A hint of oak? Or the memory of a fruitcake you didn’t ask for last Christmas? Anything goes.
3. Taste with Purpose (and Maybe a Bit of Sass)
Take a small sip. Let it roll around your tongue like it’s auditioning for something. What do you taste? Spice? Caramel? Tropical fruit with commitment issues? Whatever it is, pretend you expected it.
4. The Finish: AKA, the Afterglow
Now, notice how it lingers—or doesn’t. Is it warm and smooth, or does it slap your taste buds and storm off? The finish is where rum tells you its life story, whether you asked or not.
5. Announce Your Opinions Boldly
Now’s the time to shine. Say something like, “It’s surprisingly nuanced,” or “Reminds me of grilled pineapple at a rooftop party I wasn’t cool enough to be invited to.” Confidence is key. Accuracy is optional.
